Super Bowl Challenge

One cold February night, let’s say in 2013, my roommate and I had some people over to watch the Super Bowl.  Among those attending was a girl I was considering liking who was a vegetarian, so I set myself to the challenge of making all vegetarian foods that didn’t taste gross or sacrifice in flavor. Thinking it was going to be a difficult task, I asked myself what are regular Super Bowl foods, and how can I make them from foods without a soul?  It was surprisingly easy.

Fortunately for this blog, all of the foods had some kind of cheese in them.  And fortunately for me, I did not make everything from scratch.  On the menu were pizza, hot wings, meatball subs, and nachos.

Pizza

For the pizza, I used a store-bought crust, homemade sauce (recipe below), and freshly-grated mozzarella, then covered it with thinly-sliced onions, green peppers, and black olives, then cooked it until it was brown and bubbly.  Easy enough, but also the weakest of the Super Bowl foods.  It gets better.

Wings

For the wings, I cooked Gardein brand crispy tenders (texture and taste similar to baseball guts, but altogether not disgusting)  according to the package directions, then tossed them in the following ingredients warmed together on the stove top, and served with celery and blue cheese dressing.

• 1/2 cup Frank’s Red Hot Original sauce
• 1/3 cup butter
• 2 cloves garlic (or up to 6), minced

Gardein “chicken”

One of food’s most important achievements

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the garlicky hot sauce, they were so good I lost my voice during most of the third quarter.

Meatball Subs

For the meatball subs, I prepared some marinara sauce (also used on the pizza, recipe below), and tumbled in some Gardein brand meatless meatballs (also surprisingly good).  Once the meatballs were warmed, I hollowed out some sub rolls, lined one side with provolone cheese, dropped on a couple of meatballs and sauce, then wrapped the whole sub in aluminum foil and kept them warm in the oven until the cheese was melted and gooey.  These were so good the power went out at the Superdome during part of the game.

Meatless meatballs

Meatball sub

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Marinara Sauce

• 2 T olive oil
• 1 small onion, chopped
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1-3 splashes of red wine
• 1 28 oz. can of Redpack crushed tomatoes
• salt and pepper
• 1 handful of fresh parsley, chopped

In a large pan, cook the onions until they are translucent, maybe 10-15 minutes.  Add the garlic and cook for another minute.  Add the red wine and cook until it has reduced, maybe 5 minutes.  Add the tomatoes, salt and pepper, and parsley and cook for another 10 minutes.  Taste for seasoning, and add more salt if necessary.

Nachos

For the nachos, on a large sheet tray, I arranged tortilla chips, then black beans, then pickled jalapenos, then salsa, then grated cheddar cheese.  I roasted the tray in the oven at 450 until the cheese was melted and the chips began to turn brown.  Keep an eye on it, or it will burn.  Once out of the oven, I topped it with hot sauce, several scoops of sour cream, and fresh cilantro.  These were so good I lost my vision for a third of the night.

A nacho

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If that sounds like too much work you could always just make this, or eat this.

There is no way I took all of these photos.  They are not mine.  If they are yours, let me know, and I will delete them forever.

The Best Guacamole

One eventful night in Washington, a friend or three and I decided to go out for some Mexican here. Before we were allowed entry to the restaurant, Secret Service had to pass some metal detectors over us, informing us that there was a “high-profile” guest inside dining.  Once we cleared security and were taken to our table, we saw who the high-profile guest was.  In the back room, at a table with her friends, was first lady Michelle Obama.  She was there for the guacamole.  I was certain of it.  It’s made table-side in a mortar and pestle, and it beats all other guacamoles.  I’ve been to this restaurant a number of times, watching them craft this delicious dip each time in efforts to recreate it on my own. Below is the recipe.  Michelle Obama approves.

• 2 ripe Hass avocados
• juice from 1/2 of a lime
• 1 small jalapeno (or Serrano chile), seeded and minced
• 1 T cilantro, chopped
• 1/2 t Adobo seasoning with pepper (or salt)
• 1/2 small tomatillo, finely chopped
• 1-2 T queso fresco

Remove the pit from the avocado and discard.  Scoop the flesh out of the avocado and place into a bowl with the lime juice.  Give it a mix.  On a cutting board, chop the jalapeno and cilantro with the Adobe seasoning, then add to the avocado mixture and stir well.  Check for seasoning, and add salt if necessary. Top with the diced tomatillo and queso fresco, then eat with really delicious tortilla chips.

Guacamole for my mouth

Celebrity chef José Andrés is the man responsible for all the delicious food at Oyamel.  He has restaurants in Washington DC, Las Vegas, Beverly Hills, and Miami.

Some other highlights from the restaurant include the Oaxacan margaritas, huitlacoche (corn fungus truffles – that’s right, fungus), and confit of baby pig tacos (A.K.A. delicious and adorable baby pig tacos).  Avoid the grasshopper taco!!

 

 

“MMMMMMMMMMM” – Michelle Obama

 

Halloumi (part 2)

Last month, on the unasked for cheese blog.  I talked about the ups and downs of a little-known, highly-volatile cheese called Halloumi.  Today I conclude with part two of the Halloumi saga, which brings me to a short narrative… and a recipe.

“Once upon a time in the British Isles lived a fair maiden by the name of Nigella Lawson.  Nigella had magical skills such as baking a Chocolate Guinness Cake and mixing Spaghetti with Bacon, Egg, and White Wine.  She was so good at cooking, in fact, that she got several of her own cooking shows and won the hearts of many men’s stomachs.  One day, on one of these shows, Nigella roasted Halloumi with sausage, red peppers, and basil.  Then I made it, and I lived happily ever after.”

A vision of Halloumi with sausage

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

• 8 Merguez sausages (or any small link sausage for that matter)
• 1 8 oz. package of Halloumi, cut into 1/4 inch slices
• 8 oz. jar of roasted red peppers, cut into bite-sized pieces
• 1 handful of basil leaves, torn
• a drizzle of garlic oil

Serves 2 people, assuming one of them’s not me

Preheat oven to 425 degrees.  On a large sheet tray arrange sausages, slices of Halloumi, and red peppers in a single layer.  Drizzle with oil.  Roast for 15-20 minutes until the sausage is cooked and the cheese is browned, then sprinkle on basil shards and EAT.

Nigella wearing her Halloumi-cooking dress

Recipe courtesy of Nigella Lawson.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’d say that’s first rate.” – Nigella talking about the newest BBC Sherlock episode

A Cheese Board

I am not a cheese expert by any stretch of the imagination.  But I do like it when I’m eating it.  When it comes to making a cheese board for a dinner or party, it’s really easy, and it looks great with very little effort.  I recently made one such board this past Christmas time for a holiday party, that included a Brie, a Stilton, and a Beemster.  I usually go with three kinds of cheeses, two kinds of crackers, and one kind of fruit.  See some more useless suggestions below.

a cheese board made for a Halloween party circa 2011

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Cheeses – For the cheeses, I go with a cow’s milk, a goat’s milk, and a sheep’s milk.  I also try to go for varying textures (a hard cheese, a soft, cheese, and a blue cheese).

2 Crackers – Table Water Crackers are a good choice, and then I also grab a whole grain cracker.

1 Fruit – If pears or apples are in season, I go with them.  Grapes add good contrast in flavor and texture.  Figs or dried apricots can also be a good choice.

Don’t hesitate to ask the cheesemaster at your local grocery what kinds of fruits will pair with what kinds of cheeses.  They’re probably bored anyway.

Don’t forget to add a knife to the board.  Bottom line, cheese is delicious, and so are crackers and most fruits.  It’s hard to mess this up.  But people are generally very impressed with your ability to make this.

Brie

The other day, I ventured into the woods for a weekend away from all the downloading.  A group of seven of us set out to rough it in the wilderness without the modern conveniences of front-load washers and garbage disposals.  Our rugged lake-side cabin with full kitchen, full bathroom, and a deer set as the perfect backdrop to hike, play games, tell life-alteringly scary stories around fires, and eat.

It was brought to my attention that I should probably bring cheese considering this blog.  I swiftly made a trip to the local cheesery and selected a ripened, delicious-looking brie to store in the mouths of those in attendance.  Brie is a cow’s milk cheese with an edible rind that can be delicious in a variety of ways.  It can be sliced and eaten atop crackers (Table Water Crackers preferred), as was done during the weekend at the cabin.  It can be eaten with fruit (also done at the cabin with apples).  It can be warmed in the oven, causing the cheese to ooze inside the rind making a tasty, gooey mess, then topped with honey or fruit.  It can also be eaten in a grilled cheese sandwich as brought to my attention at Washington DC restaurant Busboys and Poets in their grilled brie panini with caramelized onions, spinach, and tomato.  Sometimes it’s even wrapped in phyllo dough!!!!

In conclusion, if you haven’t tried brie by this point in your life, at a party or somewhere, there is something wrong with you.

A stoic deer baby who we lovingly named Hank. Yes there were flowers in December some how.

 

 

Halloumi

Amidst the busy and sometimes-productive bustle of Capitol Hill in D.C. sits a small Greek restaurant by the name of Cava which  serves up on its dinner menu, among other things, a grilled cheese salad.  Before you throw up at the thought of grilled cheese salad, know that it’s not ‘grilled cheese’ as in grilled cheese sandwich, but actual slices of cheese that have been grilled then served warm with bread and fresh mint.  Enter Halloumi  (ha-loom-ee).

Halloumi as found at Whole Foods Market

Halloumi as found grilled, from stolen internet photos

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Halloumi is a salty, unripe cheese from Cyprus made from goat and sheep’s milk with a high melting point, making it ideal for grilling, frying, or roasting.  It’s similar in texture to mozzarella and in taste to the salty feta.

Among Cava’s other cheese offerings are Saganaki (fried cheese), Paperdelle Mac and Cheese, and Goat Cheese Fritters, the latter two of which I have tried and went temporarily blind from how delicious they were.

And while on the subject of Cava, I think it’s important to note that sometimes they think it’s appropriate to douse their Saganaki Cheese in alcohol and set fire to them while at your table, unannounced, as seen below.

Cava Saganaki flame burst (also effective for killing R.O.U.S.’s)

Some important congressman, no doubt on his lunch break

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So the next time you’re in DC wondering where to eat amid the Greek knock offs, give the real thing a try at Cava, or go here.  Or here.  Or here.  Or here.  Or here.

“Also try one of Cava’s martinis.  Go Nats!” – Marlon Brando 

The Best Thing About Thanksgiving

As your pumpkins begin to melt, it’s time to think about one of the best parts of Thanksgiving.  I’m talking, of course, about gorging yourself into a three-day turkey-induced food coma.  Second to that however, is taking time to give to others.

Thanksgiving (for those in the U.S.) is a time to be grateful for the many things we have in our lives, and it’s the perfect opportunity  to give back.  Odds are, if you’re reading this, you’re living quite comfortably.  Be sure to take some time to remember those who are in need both in and outside of this country.

Do you know of a local food bank or soup kitchen?  Donate some canned goods (or boxes of mac and cheese), or your time.  Is there a local family that seems to be having trouble making ends meet?  Donate a Thanksgiving dinner to them (or dinner once a week/month), or help them with yard work.  Is there a nursing/personal care home full of lonely elderly people?  Play cards with them, or give them a manicure this holiday season.

Does your church provide clean water to a village in another country?  Find out how you can help.  Do you know of an organization that sponsors a child in a third world?  Adopt one.  Are there police officers, paramedics, fire fighters, nurses or doctors in your community working tirelessly on Thanksgiving or Christmas Days while their families are at home?  Take some time to drive over and brighten their days with cookies, candy, or cheese.

This Thanksgiving as you’re riding the candied yam coaster, remember to be grateful and to think about those who are less fortunate.

 

A fine young fellow who gave me a ham and cheese sandwich just the other day

Gluttony

Eat this for Breakfast: Eggs, potatoes, and goat cheese

 

The other day I had this for breakfast:

goat cheese as it exists in nature

• 1 small potato, skin on, cut into 1/2 inch bits
• 1 clove of garlic, minced
• 1 generous pour of olive oil (2-3 T)
• salt and pepper
• 2 eggs (maybe 3 if they’re from a local farm)
• 2 oz. of severely-crumbled ebola-free goat cheese
• 1 handful of chives, chopped (or not, if you don’t have them)

Serves 1

 

In a large skillet, cook potatoes in oil with generous amounts of salt and pepper over medium-high heat, stirring frequently until browned, roughly 10-14 minutes.  Add garlic, and cook for 1 more minute.  Remove potatoes to a plate and reduce heat to medium-low.  Beat eggs with cheese and generous amounts of salt and pepper, then add to the warm skillet.  Cook until done, then join them with the potatoes.  Cover everything in chives, and then store it safely in your mouth forever!!

 

goat cheese once it has been harvested

goat cheese once it has been severely crumbled

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fun Fact:  It was rumored that goat cheese hats were all the rage at fashion balls in France in the 1930’s.

Once again, thank you to the internets for your kindness in letting me use your photos.  I hope that’s legal.   

Mimolette, the Tastiest of Cheeses

When thinking of tasty, tasty cheeses, my mind often wanders to the mysterious year I lived in Virginia.  It was at a quaint fromagerie-turned-patisserie called The Frenchman’s Corner on East Davis Street in Culpeper where I was first introduced to Mimolette (mim-oh-let).  Mimolette has the size, color, and texture of a cantaloupe, but fortunately, a much better taste and fewer seeds.

Mimolette

A Cantaloupe Melon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The delicious mimolette is a hard French cheese made from cow’s milk that can be eaten at various stages of ripeness.  It smells of socks, has a taste similar to Parmesan, can have crystals on the inside and a chewy rind.  Unfortunately, the cheese can no longer be imported to the United States after a trade embargo was placed in 2013 by the FDA, because, while this cheese is delicious, it also may contain dangerous cheese mites that work their way inside your head attaching themselves to your brain stem making you unable to see the color blue or hear songs by Molly Cyprus.  An occasional Whole Foods or specialty foods store may have slipped past the embargo.  But beware!

I can only assume this is what the cheese mites look like. Or maybe this is a photo I took of them. Not really sure.

Please don’t risk eating cheese mites.  Maybe one or two small slivers of tasty Mimolette will do you in.

Photos courtesy of the Google.  Thank you Wikipedia for information that is accurate %1000 of the time.

“Mimolette tastes good.” – Thomas Jefferson 

 

An Unasked for Blog

After thirty minutes of deliberation and a power lunch of fried rice and pizza, I have decided to create a blog.  Like so many idiots and their brothers before me who think their thoughts are important enough to share, the subsequent pages will document what nonsense takes place both in and outside of my head.  Be forewarned.

The Blog has been created.  Hopefully that was the hard part.  Now I just have to come up with a theme.

Use the poll to the right to vote for what this blog’s theme should be and to help me decide how long this blog will remain active.  My money’s on two weeks.

Check back later for more incoherent drivel.